Stages of My Mind

This summer I’ve been rather emotional. I am not ok with this I hate feeling emotional. I think it’s simply because I have too much on my little mind right now I am starting to feel overwhelmed. My thought process is the following:

  • My summer camp group got switched Monday which was really sad that my girls got switched this close to the end of summer. (3 weeks left.)
  • I don’t know what I am going to do job wise really.
  • My “relationship” is pretty much over without it being said which hurts.
  • The way things are with Malcolm reminds me of Jeffrey which brings back so many old feelings and new ones too I can’t handle it.
  • I am still wanting to pass that GKT so I can go back to the elementary education program at school. At least for now I have found a loop so I can go back to school for now.
  • I am about 2 1/2 weeks away from hopefully buying my first real car. It’s exciting but a scary thought.
  • I feel like I am gaining a lot of weight this summer, but in reality the scale moved up one pound and that is all. I feel so disgusted and out of shape.

So I guess that’s my mind in a nutshell. I just can’t WAIT for this summer camp job to be over so maybe I can focus on other stuff because I’ll have my own car and the stress of summer camp will be gone. All of which is a good thing, at least I hope it will be all good.

Anonymous asked:
do you pizza, let's pizza.

Yay for pizza? lol

Anonymous asked:
what is a bad habit you have?

Hello anon, long time no see!

Anyways, if anyone knows me it’s probably me simply cracking my joints especially my knuckles, I do this too often. I wish I could remember how this habit started. I know it drives my mom and possibly my best friend crazy. But it’s like my guilty pleasure mixed with being bad habit now. I do it to relieve stress and tension, it might be a subconscious way of thinking, but I can’t go a couple of hours or so without doing it.

Weeks to Come

In approximately 3 weeks I hope to have looked at some possibilities of future cars to call my own. And then I hope to register it in my name and all that good stuff. Also, in 3 weeks summer camp will be over. (Where did the time go?) Lastly, in like 4 weeks I’ll be going back to school full time again. I’ve been indirectly looking forward to the end of summer for a while now because of all of what is going on. This is all going to be freaking fantastic.

When It Rains…

Every fucking time I am stressing over just one little thing I swear it pours down rain. I mean that in a figure of speech type of way, because right now only one thing seemed to feel wrong; and now its like everything feels like a complete mess and out of my control. My problems aren’t that major compared to others, but to me they seem to be overwhelming.

For instance, I am not sure where or how things are truly going with my “boyfriend” anymore. This really scares me, not knowing reminds me a lot of how things ended with Jeffrey. It’s also the lack of communication too. Plus I don’t feel very girlfriend like, I am beginning to think we lost some type of spark or something. I understand we are on two very different schedules now, but still a little bit of something anything would be nice.

Then there is stress of not really knowing what’s in store for me at my job. I will know tomorrow because I am talking to my boss about my schedule for the school year. I might be out a job, but I might not be. One way to find out I guess.

Also, the bridesmaids dresses came in that we order a few weeks ago are in so yay, but not yay. Carissa’s and Elly’s dresses are the wrong color. And mine is too small and the zipper won’t work exactly. So that’s stressful.

On the bright side, I’ll be returning full time in August and I changed my major over to Child Studies for now so I don’t have the stress of the testing involved with the elementary education program. However, with a BS in just Child Studies I can only teach like Preschool or work non profit places like Boys and Girls Clubs, and other places. That’s fine, but I still really want to teach but I don’t know how that’s going to work. (Kind of long story.) Yet again I want my Masters at some point so it kinda doesn’t matter what my Bachelors is in I guess at least that’s what Jill said last semester.

Plus for some odd reason which I think I know why though I keep thinking about Jeffrey. The reasoning behind I believe is the way things are going with Malcolm really reminds me of how he acted sometimes about not being responsive.

All I know is I literally can’t wait for summer to be over. I want my own car, to be in school, and ready to start fresh. I am in need of a redo, I know who I am and what I like/want to do (at least for now.) I want to focus on making me happy because I really need to do that. With that said I need to finish the loan application AND start the one for student government at FGCU..