My alarm went off this morning at 6am and I was ready to start my day. I got ready for my day and ate my breakfast and hopped in the car and drove down to school. On my way I was feeling quite anxious because I kept feeling like I was late and really wanting some coffee. So, as soon as I got off the highway I got some Starbucks and made my way to class with a few minutes to spare.
My once a month 8am class flew by and I was done for another few weeks and on my way to my wellness group.
Once I got to Howard Hall I saw him standing there waiting for group to start. We haven’t really acknowledge the fact we know each to anyone in the group or to our counselor either. We stood in the hallway talked, but maybe as more group members began to show it would either appear we were flirting or maybe just two good friends. The first one might be true but that word can be loosely used, but the second one is definitely not true. We were never friend, just two people whom which hooked up in the past, and I am using the word hook up very very loosely.
It was on our 2nd meeting of this emotional wellness group so maybe that was the reason I was quiet today; or maybe it was I was attentive to what he had to say more than normal? I caught myself smiling when he would speak if the moment was right or give him a concern face when he was serious. My poker face was non existence today. I also didn’t slide my chair around while he spoke. I was totally in the zone of listening to every thing he had to say.
It was while others talked I caught him looking at me and smiling with the most caring eyes. It was like we were having a complete conversation. It was electrifying in a sense, but it shouldn’t be. There is just that spark between us somehow. I am still trying to understand it. At one point I looked down my shirt and saw I was wearing a black tank top under my shirt, was that my subconscious trying to get his attention because last week he said his favorite color is black? Or was it me trying get him to look at me as I applied my lip balm to my lips as others talked and we exchanged glances. I can’t think about him in that way, its just NO it’s off limits not only because of group because I KNOW him and its just NO.
After group I had class and he walked me half way to class and realized I was heading to a class and took back his offer for lunch. Does he realize that is frowned upon in group we aren’t supposed to associate outside group, but does it count if you know someone already? I don’t think it matters, but it might.
My counselor and the head counselor for the group was able to squeeze me into her schedule today before I left campus today. I decided to tell her that I know this guy and she said she may pull him aside and see if it bothers him at all. She wants both of us to be successful in the group, but isn’t sure if its emotionally healthy for either of us. I feel better I was able to talk to my counselor about this so she can shine some light on this situation which she did.
I think I’ll feel more emotional stable after this weekend it’s been since I saw someone and all sorts of feelings will make this little incident seem so small.
So I got a new job recently and I started last Sunday and I still don’t know how I feel about it. I mean yay job = car soon. I am working at a pet store and there is soooo much to remember and tasks I don’t really like doing like crickets, mice, and rats. Ugh…