Dear Brain,

Please turn off! I need to get some sleep. I have school tomorrow.

Thanks!

Christina

"The years between eighteen and twenty-eight are the hardest, psychologically. It’s then you realize this is make or break, you no longer have the excuse of youth, and it is time to become an adult – but you are not ready."
Helen Mirren (via throwouttheclock)

New Semester = New Goals

I always get excited when Walmart starts to bring out the school supplies, it brings out my inner nerd. Now that I am in college it’s no exception really, the cool thing is each semester is that it’s kinda like a new opportunity to start fresh. So, its time for me to put down what some of my goals are for this upcoming semester.

  • I want to be organized and get all my assignments done early or on time. (Like always)
  • I want to be more involved at school and make some new friends.
  • I want to strive for straight A’s. (Might be hard FGCU believes in A-)
  • I want to redo my GKT one more time. (Probably in Oct/Nov)
  • I need to start eating more regularly/healthier AND working out again PLUS get a decent night sleep each night.
  • Save money! (I still need a car.)

That’s all I can think of right now. I make the same goals every semester because half way through the semester I stop. Nevertheless, I am so excited for Tuesday because I’ve taken some time off from school to work full time and now I am ready to go back to full time student and maybe part time employee somewheres.

Short & Simple Bold Truths

Bold what you’ve done.

Sexual

  • I’ve kissed a girl.
  • I’ve kissed a boy.
  • I’ve received/given a blowjob, hand job, eating out.
  • I’ve had sex.
  • I’ve fallen in love.
  • I’ve cheated on someone.
  • I’ve been cheated on.

Life

  • I’ve gotten into a fight.
  • I’ve done something illegal.
  • I’ve gotten wasted.
  • I’ve used an illegal drug.
  • I’ve snuck out.
  • I’ve stolen something.
  • I’ve vandalized something.
  • I’ve lost a family member due to death.
  • I’ve been in a life or death situation.
  • I’ve been arrested.
  • I’ve been fired from a job.

Emotions

  • I’ve been kept up at night due to guilt.
  • I’ve laughed so hard I cried.
  • I’ve been abused physically.
  • I’ve cried myself to sleep.
  • I’ve wished that I was someone else.
  • I’ve wanted to kill myself.
  • I’ve tried to kill myself.
  • I’ve felt like an outcast.
  • I’ve wanted to do something just so I would fit in.

Friendships

  • I’ve ruined my friendship with someone.
  • I’ve had a friend leave me for other people.
  • I’ve been kicked out of a friend group.
  • I’ve wanted to fuck one of my friends.
  • I’ve been friendless.

School

  • I’ve failed a test.
  • I’ve cut class.
  • I’ve eaten alone.
  • I’ve failed a course.
  • I’ve been suspended.
  • I’ve received detention.
  • I’ve dropped out of school.
"If you weren’t crazy you wouldn’t have to work so hard to convince everyone you’re sane."
Psychiatric Ward Nurse (Orange Is The New Black)

Started from the Bottom

A week ago today I thought I had found my first car. The car seemed perfect, it was a 2000 Honda Civic sedan with less than 103,000 miles on it and in decent shape. Zack looked it over and it all seemed good minus the power steering on the car which the guy promised to fix before I would take the car and call it my own. However, since I was really interested in the car the guy wanted me to make a down payment on it to reserve since he had other appointments to see the car that day. So after some negotiating I managed to get the car down to $2600 which meant I was going to need to borrow a $100 from my parents till I found another job.

The 3 of us, (Jen, Zack, and myself) dashed off to the ATM where I proceeded to take out the $200 out of my account. So, one would think I would be jumping up down with excitement knowing in one day the car would be mine, but for some reason I feeling more anxious than anything really.  We went back to the guy’s shop I gave him the cash and he gave me a receipt and we were told he would call me the next day when the car was ready for pick up.

After that whole process was done the 3 of us went to the local Dairy Queen for an early dinner and frozen calories to celebrate the process being pretty much done. I was borderline excited, but not as much as I thought I would be I was feeling more anxious. And it wasn’t the good kind of anxious either, but I attempted to remain nonchalant about the whole thing while we ate and discussed the car.

When we got back to Charlotte County I went to Jen and Zack’s house I was tried to figure out how to cash out my stock to pay for the registration fees/etc. As I did I called my mom and she asked me if I saw the text message she had sent which I didn’t because her phone has been glitching and not sending me her messages that day. So, I said no and she then proceeded to say, “Well, I emailed your aunt to tell her about the car and she is sending you $500 in the mail by check to help cover expenses.” Now that got my attention I squealed and leaned across the couch and hugged Jen. After hanging up I told Jen and Zack what the good news was and the icing was on the cake when I found that the FLDVM had lowered the registration cost almost $200. Everything was coming together nicely.

Finally when I got home from the crazy day I had all I wanted to do was sleep I had a headache. My mom wanted me to do an autocheck which is like a carfax on the car, but I promised to do it in the morning and went to bed.

After breakfast the next day as promised I did the autocheck thing with my mom. As I put my credit card information into the computer the anxious feeling had return I was feeling the day before at DQ. As I read the information I was shocked and felt a huge slap in the face and a punch in the gut. I just looked at my laptop’s screen in disbelief.

I was silent then my dad broke that silence, by asking what was it. My mom said, “The car’s odometer was rolled back, it’s registered at 287,000.” I just continued to to stare feeling like I was going to throw up. Then my mom scrolled down on the webpage and proceeded to say, “And apparently the title of the car has a salvage title.” That is when I lost it because the car had almost 300,000 miles there was no way I wanted this car now AND the title status meant it would be hard to get the car insured. The worst part is I gave the guy $200. I quickly reached for my phone and texted Zack telling him the deal was going to be off.

After I calmed down enough I was able to tell Zack what happened. (I’m happy to have my best friend’s fiance be like a protective older brother.)  I waited to see if the guy would contact me because the car was supposed to available after 12 and that never happened. As the day progressed my mom called the police because this is considered a felony. He never did which made me more feel uneasy. Luckily for me Jen came over and she made me feel a little better we got our hair done and I got my long over due pedicure.

The next day my mom took the morning off and rescheduled her meeting and we went down to the Cape to go to the shop to see the guy and attempt to get my money back. However, the guy wasn’t in and neither was the car so we were told he’d back later. So, we decided to look around other car places in the area. The guy finally called me back, but I kept it as brief as possible because I didn’t want to talk to him nor did I really want to say over the phone right away I didn’t want the car. We were dealing with a con man. He said the car would be ready by tomorrow and he almost begged for more time. I thought that was a little weird, but I was like, “ok, sure.”

Wednesday my mom called him and didn’t get an answer from the guy. But he called her back about an hour or so later. She told him what she knew and told him the deal was off. And he said he would give me my money back. My mom suggested he mails me the money since she didn’t feel comfortable going back to his shop. So, he claims he will and now I am just waiting on that to actually happen. My mom said we have till Tuesday or Wednesday till she contacts him again. I just want my money back and put this whole thing behind me.

So I learned a lesson, I don’t want to buy a car off Craigslist. So, now I am looking into a local dealership for a used car. And maybe make payments on something if I can afford to do so if I get a new job.